Sunday, February 3, 2013

Jesus Riding A Dinosaur

Let's get one thing straight: I am not hip.

There was maybe a five-week period in late 1991 when I was both aware of, and into, all the pre-pop-cultural stuff that would soon become a zeitgeist-defining Thing. But this was certainly a long time ago, and arguably a manifestation of the stopped clock principle (right twice a day.)

On the latter point, I'm not yet sure, as I have yet to be right a second time. I may be an example of a subset of stopped-clock theory, the stopped-digital-clock principle, i.e. right only once a day, at twelve AM, when everybody is either asleep or too drunk to notice.

All of which is to say, if you're coming to this blog to catch a whiff of the Next Big Thing to be into until everybody else gets into it and you then have to hate it, you have almost certainly come to the wrong place.

However, in a curious example of either parallel development or cryptomnesia, I had an idea which I went to some effort to execute before realizing that it is, in fact, Already A Thing. My seemingly clever poke at creationists, Jesus Riding A Dinosaur, is actually one in a bajillion such images. (The meme is so well established that there are now parodies of it wherein dinosaurs ride Jesus, and also variations that involve--because this is the Internet--lightsabers.)

It's embarrassing, like reinventing the wheel and deciding to announce it at a NASCAR track. But I put a bunch of work into this (my wish to preserve a shred of dignity prevents me from telling you how much.) So here it is:

Now, I gotta say--man, that is one blonde-ass Jesus. You may think it's a trick of the light (you know how it is--a halo makes you look two shades blonder and ten pounds thinner) but I assure you it's not. The illustrated Children's Bible from which I pulled the image might as well be subtitled Jesus the Scandinavian Headbanger.

I would speculate on the implications of this bit of ethnographic eccentricity, but the Internet will probably beat me to it.